nothing but exams now.

monday, tuesday, and wednesday i have exams. Today was the last day of school where i go through my shedual. I'm a little depressed at what this year has given me;



almost nothing.

Testing my mobile blogger.....does it work?

my parents make me sedentary

I do believe that one day
I will be the type of person who doesn't touch their computer
In my world i am constantly sitting in front of a computer screen
Watching my life go by from the window behind me
I never get to go out,
I never get to drive when and where i want,
I have no freedom
And for that i hate computers,
I hate blogging,
I hate chatting,
I hate texting, and
I hate the sound of keyboards and mouses
Clicking and tapping
I hate all of it
For not being real
I want to Leave,
I want to get OUT of this place
Instead of typing with people and
Learning things through a screen,
I wish to have the real thing
I wish to finally be with my friends,
To finally see things up close and
Learn everything with experience,
I want to finally touch my lover
For the first time
I want to hold his hand,
Not this fucking mouse.
I want to look
Into peoples eyes,
Not at the pixelated letters and
Images that hurt my mine
I want to walk with a friend,
Not to the bathroom or kitchen
I want to feel the sun,
Not the stiff air in this house
I want to feel alive,
And not so sedentary
As soon as they let go of me;
As soon as they turn their heads;
As soon as they become tired;
I'll be gone,
I'll be out,
I'll be traveling,
My legs will be moving,
My eyes will be gazing,
My hands will feel every sense,
I'll talk to everyone,
I'll sleep with everyone,
I'll go out with with everyone,
Everyone who i could never talk to before,
Everyone who i was interested in,
Everyone who i was curious about,
Everyone who i saw

I WILL ;

I'll have my freedom in the hot sun one day and
I'll be driving a car on some road some where in the world

With my Lover by my side.

enough.

Philosophic self

Recently a friend of mine told me that they were listening to my old songs. A year ago i wrote many songs with my guitar and the release of my thoughts and emotions. He was in shock when i told him that i haven't touched my guitar since November. I was a bit surprised too. So i pondered at this for a moment and thought about what was keeping me from playing guitar. I thought about what made me play guitar so much last year. It was my emotions, how i felt. At that it clicked in my head. I have been writing and making art all this year, and those have been the outlet of my emotions. And i had an idea; one person, an artist, only has so much creativity that he can only produce one thing of one category with that energy of his emotions. So what i'm saying is that the emotional energy that people have can only be spent on one of the things they do. I have three main talents. Creating and singing music, writing stories or essays, and creating visual art. To me writing i feel is the easiest of the three since it's directly describing and telling the reader about my thoughts. Art is easier, since it creates the image of my emotions and also may have a story behind it. Music more is difficult. I dont have the patientce and disipline to sit with my guitar and pluck a few strings to wait hours before i find a beautiful and catchy chord. Then i have to write what i'm thinking, then i have to make the words sound good with the cuts and goes of the chords; i have to multitast, which has always been challenging to me in my life. And by the time i reach my guitar after writing about my life and drawing and painting beautiful pictures if my thoughts and memories, there's nothing left.

It leaves me quite burnt out. like now.

what i've been working on

this is my first painting. I put up a sketch a few weeks ago. Yea, i'm still working on it. It's taking me too long. need to finish it this week and start working on the SECOND PROJECT.

The Right to Cry



Manna



I don't feel like writing that much now, all my creativity has drained out all over this painting.

extra credit

I have seen improvements in my sketches since i joined this drawing class. I love the fact that i must draw for homework. Why should i have to, when can i want to do home work? It's a perfect world, this art class allows me to do what ever i want. I can fail, or i can pass with flying colors all with my own actions! And i love finally being able to be in that sort of situation! Of course, in my academic classes there is some railing or i would call it "class handle bars" where your always being guided or told what to do and how to do it.

This was an extra credit project. You may only have a peek. I must say....

it's my best work yet,

oh my god.

that is the only thing that i can say now. FEBRUARY sucked so bad, i hate that month so much, and March also. I will refuse to believe that i have allergies! but every day for the past few weeks i have come to school sneezing and coughing and sniffling and getting up in class like 20 times just to go blow my nose!

The work that is given me is at a low level but its every night that i receive homework or have to work on an art project and they pile up if i become lazy to do them. Oh goodness, i have realized recently that i only have about 3 months until my fantastic, lovely, rewarding, exciting trip to Iran! i cannot help but grin at the thought of that! i want to burst out laughing! I wonder if people sitting next to me in an airport or in the plane will think that i want to kill everyone because of how unsettled i would look. Of course i would think that my happiness would be spoiled by the filthy-ness of my surroundings. GOD i hate airplanes, they smell like marijuana and poop, and i always have a head ache after sitting in one for 16 HOURS.
What am i supposed to do in an airplane when traveling across the Atlantic ocean for longer than half a day?! i can't just be there...i wonder if running 3 miles a week and a challenging work out would help me with that before i would leave? it would make me alot hungry-er and you know those flight attendants...they will NOT give you second servings. I think it would be a good time to become anorexic because you would not have to eat anything..or you wouldn't want to at least. Well this time i plan to be very talkative to strangers. I mean i would agree that it is extremely awkward to sit next to someone for the first 10 hours with out speaking to each other, and then asking them to please get up so you can go use the toilet! It would be nice to make a friend on the way to your final destination. But it would also be awkward to say good bye to them only to see them again like 3 more times in the airport and possibly in the next flight.

I would recommend taking a HOT shower before and after traveling by plane.