the worst year of my life

I'm in iran now. I've only got about 20 days left here. Been here since june 11th. It's been a long time. So much has happened to me in the last two months. I've grown up a bit. I had to choose lovers.

I had him for a long time, the first few months i had him he was golden and he had a godly charm. Like it was destiny, like all the little signs would come to me just proving again and again that i could be in love with this person for the rest of my life. Life was beautiful when new love was in my eyes. But then in those cold months,january,febuary, and part of march, i never heard from him. Not much of "i love you" not much of "fadat besham" i never heard "take care-yourself" and so i tried to hold on. To keep from going crazy, or maybe i did go crazy, i used a few men to pacify my loneliness. They were all trash, i lied when i said "i love you" but there was one. One who i liked, who would stay, who had some significance. Later i would find out this one was more like a parasite with a serpent-like charm, rather than a side lover.

The cloudiness of my loneliness tarnished my golden lover, and my false side lover only did more to cover my eyes from seeing how i had the best all along.

i had the best all along. He is the best in the world. i still have the best, and i'm so happy that i threw all that trash away.