I just realized something

that my whole life has formed who I am.
I actually already knew that. but let me tell you somethings.


so recently I've had thoughts of putting more makeup on, painting my nails, and putting my hair in a certain style that would make others notice me, and I've started trying to talk to others, reaching out to them instead of waiting for someone to say something to me. and even now, after watching equals three =3 and meekakitty on YouTube, which you should search up because there's two people are really awesome, have shown me that people don't have to be assholes and douchebags to put them selves out there and have fun. and it really has surpirsed me how... I want to say not corrupted.. but these are good people! oh my gosh they really are good! if you read my last blog you would understand why i'm so surprised at how decent and kind hearted these people are. but anyways, all of these actions and thoughts point to one thing! but I should give a little history first.

since my entire life, as a member of a modest, Muslim family (which isn't always fun) I have been raised in a way to not bring attention to myself in anyway what so ever to avoid the prying eyes of horny men. I wasn't allowed to paint my nails, no make up, no shorts or tank tops, nothing that would make me pretty. I was taught to look infront of my feet only, and everytime I wanted to say something or sing or dance, or walk upon a stage, or play music for others, my family comes in and discourages me, and because of how obedient I have been taught to be I would silence, halt, stop completely, and cry because I thought I had done something bad. so I never really have ever had the chance to put myself out there. and that's also the reason why I dont know alot of the people in my school even though I have been with them for like 3 years. and I only have one good friend only. I mentioned her in the last blog. so I have decided.

I am going to make a video blog this summer! please wish me luck who ever reads this.