so tell me.....

it's very cold here. Where i am. I can almost not get over it, i don't understand, i used to love the cold!

My winter break is going by nicely. I remember the first few days i thought i was forgetting something like homework or just papers that i had to read from school, but no! Nothing! i had remembered that no work was given to me on the week of testing. So now i'm feeling less stressed out and more energized and happy. Also my 10 year old sister had received her Christmas present early. She got a Nintendo Wii from my mother. She just screamed when she saw it, it was pretty funny. I started playing it and now its been since Saturday evening that we've been playing non-stop. but all that kind of stops in 16 hours...

So tomorrow i have to go to corpus for Christmas, it's something we do every year since my mothers family lives there. But it's something i've come to dread as i have gotten older. Corpus Christi is a run down city that's slower than barnacles on a surf board. And since its close to Mexico it starts to look like it. Old gross houses with planks of wood and metal bars screwed on the windows, dogs and cats walking around, and the weather is hot, muggy and humid all the time because of the sea. I hate this city and i don't know why people continue to live in it. Now i kind of understand why my mother would come up to austin every now and then to visit a friend, or more extreme,why she moved to MINNESOTA after the divorced her other husband.

So Christmas:
As i get older i start to enjoy it less and less. I kind of doubt that its because i realize that there is no Santa Clause. But Really, if i don't enjoy time with my family then what is there to look forward to on Christmas? My relationship with my father has gotten better over the last year or so. I think it's only because i'm giving into my Iranian side and finally opening my eyes, sometimes loving Iran more than he could(or so i think), still we argue and he still gets mad at me from time to time but i don't get scared or feel like i can't look at him in the eye when he is near anymore. My mother.......my mother. Things are often difficult with my mother now...it's never really been this way before, but we have let it sit and grow for two years. When i speak with her(or rather, when she speaks at me) i sometimes see her like and old thing, i don't know what sort of thing, some times its a doll, a boat, a door, or a tree...yes a tree would be good for explaining..so a tree. When i am with my mother, i listen to what she says and i think of an old tree with parasites and bugs and ants eating the inside of her. And people have ripped off her bark and carved bad words on her, graffitied on her, burned her, and her leaves are gray and falling off and her branches often hit people in the face or tear peoples skin if she is climbed on. I try to distance myself from her to avoid arguments or conflicts but then she accuses me of being a bad person or me being antisocial and hating my own family. But please enough of that, i will start to spiral into a depression if i continue about that!

I guess Christmas would be a whole lot nicer if i spent it with people that actually like me and that i feel the same way towards them. but still i will give you this....

{xxX:Merry Christmas:Xxx}
2008