i HATE how i eat so much until i am lethargic. it's like when i eat i can't control myself anymore. i start eating this and that and all those sweets and the next thing i know i can't even walk up the stairs because of how heavy i feel. i think i might be bulimic. last Saturday night i had gone out to a movie with friends. I didn't eat much that day so my stomach might have shrunk by the time they decided that after all that pop corn, soda and ice cream they wanted pizza. Now these people are kind of different from me. If there was a feast to eat then they would take all they could while i would be the type to try to eat what i put on my plate. That night i ate as if i hadn't eaten and weeks. I have no idea why i just kept eating and eating. I wasn't feeling too good after that. I just couldn't move and I looked like i was pregnant. After i finally got a ride home and having my mom b*tch at me for coming home at 11 (which was something i couldn't control and i told her everything that was happening AS it was happening) i got undressed and i tried to lay down and sleep but my stomach was trying so hard to digest i just couldn't take it anymore. I had to vomit. So when i walk into the bathroom i take a look at myself in the mirror and think about the skinniest girl i know...but i stopped myself before i could look into my eyes. I couldn't believe it. I was turning it into bulimia when i had only eaten too much. my stomach moaned so i bow to the toilet, hold my hair up, and do what i see on tv. and as im letting it ALL out i start to feel better, but at the same time im thinking and thinking and thinking about all the media, all the stories, all the crap i've heard, the disgusting sh*t i'm seeing, that ugly stuff is actually coming out of me.....of me.
آیا دیوانم؟
am i crazy?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment