suicidal future.

I have a bad problem.

Since i came back from Iran this summer I've wanted to go back so badly with desperation. It's like i love that place so much, everything but the government. I was told that if i pass this year in high school and learn fluent Farsi then i am able to go back next summer. So my motivation to do well and excel at life was IRAN. And i might add that it doesn't help at all when my cousins or my Iranian friends tell me Iran is a bad place and that everyone wants to get out of there and i shouldn't want to go because it is such a terrible place because that's my motivation, Iran was what made me want to learn in school آیا هرکس فهمیدند!؟ So I'm trying to do good in school when all of the sudden my teachers and the government and the media tell me that i have to start thinking about collage and finding scholarships so that i can pay for my education and all that other stuff. Then i keep thinking and working and barely absorb anything i learn in class because I'm being brain washed into thinking about my future. and questions keep coming up in my head. What do i want to do with my life after college? What kind of job can i get with an art degree? How can i be happy with what ever i plan on doing? If i don't plan now then everything will be terrible and disorganized. And it's like the Iranian motivation is out the window and gone and i let it slip away because i was told to prioritize for college and i actually listened to what my cousins say about Iran? WHAT THE HELL?! I wanted to commit suicide because i didn't know what to do with my life and whats the point of education when i don't know what i'm gonna do after that if my world is a place where what i want to do won't help me survive?